For Sam

I wish I could write you a poem that would explain everything.
I wish I could write you a poem that you could reference
when you need to know how you should feel
when you don’t make the basketball team,
or when your first girlfriend leaves your heart broken in pieces,
or when you think that no one in the world understands you,
but this is not that poem.

This is not a poem about love, or successes,
This is not a poem about life’s mysteries, botched wisdom,
how to swim, how to read, how to understand women (yeah, right).
This is a poem for you, my little brother.
This is a poem to tell you how much I love you, unconditionally, forever.
I wanted to tell you that when I look at your little hands,
I get a feeling deep in my soul that peace is possible,
that all is right in this unforgiving world.

When you smile that toothy grin,
geez, that little smile,
it’s the brightest thing that’s ever blinded me with happiness.
I would give you everything in the world if I could.
I would gather all the good things that were ever created,
mold them together in a giant mass of awesome,
and keep it in the basement so you could tear off a little piece when you were feeling sad,
or needed a reminder that things generally turn out okay.
I want you to know that things aren’t always going to seem fair,
that you WILL get caught doing stupid shit,
and you WILL wish you hadn’t done it,
but be glad you did,
because you shouldn’t EVER hold regrets within yourself.
Live every day like you do right now.
At 1 year old.
With cheerios on your fingers, juice in your sippy-cup,
and a contentment that every adult wishes they could grasp for
one
single
day.